This Phase of My Life is Called 'Nothing'

You have a dream, like you really want it, dreamt of it since your childhood and through the teens and you get it. But then, what do you do with it?

The answer shouldn't be difficult I assumed- Live it.

May be some of us don't detail out the dream too well. Like, what to do with it when you get it. What are the challenges and the lop sides to it. Aah, these strategists. The moment when they start planning the first steps of getting to realising it, I am already the victorious top-of-the-world version in my dream. Dreamers, alas!

We paint a more abstract or a convincingly surreal picture.

An ideal situation. As the word itself suggests, ideal is (ideally) not the norm. It is what you aim for. All of us take a shot at it, lots get close to it. Some fall short. Let us say, out of a 100 people, 60 of them take this leap and 45 of them get this lucky with their first shot. So I am among those 45. That's a good start, isn't it? It's definitely not going to be uphill. And of the 45, about a 30 must be happy for where they are and how things are progressing, Basically, not sad. I am one among the 15, who aren't!

So where does that leave me? Should I be happy that I am a minority?

Yes, artistic snobs would consider it a privilege. You're an exception and that kinda crap. But am I?

I am often trying to convince that I am. But then every so often, there is this crushing realisation that I am just 15 in number. And the other 14 must be sitting in their respective rooms trying to suppress the same feeling. The feeling of having begun something new, something you've dreamt of and wanted so bad and not being able to celebrate it. Just simply live it. It is the same reason why others can't understand you and the very reason why you can't express yourself so well. PARADOXES. It's probably the reason why others cant see you're suffering, why I can't probably put my mind to rest. 

Paradox  Number 1: I wanted all this and I got it. Now I can't handle it.

Paradox Number 2: I always wanted to be on my own. seeking silence and isolation when put in a crowd, to be able to think clearly and process everyday and introspective stuff. Now I have an empty house to my self and I cant live with my thoughts.

I can go on, but that's not the point.

Okay, let's leave that aside and look at it this way, a fresh perspective if I may.

Am just a 25 year old newbie in this city full of people and no friends and basically everything feels like shite. And I am simply trying to romanticize it. (I've always been that kind) And work is all that happens to me fourteen hours a day. So I find it difficult to disengage and balance it out with something else. 

In a nutshell, I need to get a life

HOW?

( I really would have really liked to go on if I had a convincing answer. Some of my close friends have given a range of advice from pick up a hobby or an activity to socialise to quit and freelance. Not of it convinces me, at least not my messed up head)